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“I’s gonna….” I grew up hearing this phrase over and over again. So much so that it became a running joke in my family. My father was always meaning to do something but never followed through. Only when the time came to deliver on the promise and show some results, he was left standing, shaking his head and stammering “I’s gonna.” We would laugh and say we’d take care of ‘XYZ’ ourselves and everyone moved on with their lives, until the next time it happened again. Eventually, anytime we’d catch ourselves about to admit we hadn’t done something we’d intended to do, we’d light up with our well-known ornery smiles and say “I’s gonna..” It was all so very funny at the time. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized this pattern had seeped into my own everyday life. For most of my life, I have had good intentions to make changes only to fail over and over again. I ignored the pattern for as long as possible until one day I sat at my computer writing another would-be failed attempt at writing a blog that I realized, “I’m going to…” was a phrase that was not just part of my everyday vernacular, it was like my tagline. 

Take this podcast/blog/YouTube channel for example. In December 2020 I sat down and recorded 2 episodes of a podcast with a genius idea. I would take the phrase and turn it into my own version of accountability. In doing so I could create a place for others who struggle with their own case of the “I’s gonna” to come, commiserate and commit to making the changes they wanted in their own lives. I’m really good at ideas to make things better for others, but not so much at the application for myself alone. I’ll have to circle back on this at some point but for now, it’s essential to know that I’m pretty much incapable of doing things that are just for me unless I can somehow attach them to making someone else’s life better.

When I shared with a dear friend, “I started a podcast!” and asked her to listen through the first two very short episodes to give me feedback. She agreed and half-jokingly said, “The first episode really should be…“I’m going to start a podcast” I laughed nervously and told her I’d definitely keep that in mind.

I mean ‘THIS TIME’ I really was starting a podcast so why would I say I’m going to?

Isn’t that the point of what I’m doing here? Stop saying “I’m going to,” and actually. DO THE THING? Well friends, jokes on me I guess. I recorded those two episodes and did absolutely nothing with them…

Last summer (2022) my brother and I were chatting about my ache to get back to this project but feeling conflicted with the status of life, I wasn’t sure the timing was right. I thought maybe I should wait until things ‘calmed down a little’. He looked at me with his sweet, understanding eyes and said “Sis. When is that going to be? You aren’t getting more time and you aren’t getting younger. If this is what you want to do, you need to DO THE THING.” He was so right! He always has logic I can’t argue against. Still, I did what I do. I put it off and said, “I’m going to…” 

I focused on growing my business (which was in its first year) and put my energy into helping others grow. By October I sunk into some serious depression that of course I couldn’t even recognize at the time. I’m really good at taking care of other people, just not so much at taking care of myself. November was a roller coaster, December was absolute bananas and by the New Year, I was in a total spiral. I wanted to Burn. It. Down. I considered closing my business. Packing my bags and taking off for a “quick weekend getaway” that I would never return from. I came up with a very long list of ‘solutions’ that would take me away from the stress and madness that had yet again consumed my life. Then while sitting around the fire a friend said something that knocked me on my ass, again.

“There’s a common denominator in all your problems. It’s you.”

Now full disclosure, he was actually talking about a realization he’d’ had about himself not me, but the words rang in my ears for days afterward. I’ve heard and probably even spoken this phrase a few times before but had not heard it at the time I need to. I can blow it all up, run, hide, avoid as much as I’d like to do, but no matter what I do, I can’t get away from ME. If I don’t take a long hard look at what exactly it is that’s bothering me so much about myself and the way I live my life, I’ll be blowing up, running, and hiding forever. So it’s bullshit cutting time. 

Here we go again…

This is going to be a huge undertaking. I’ll admit, it’s intimidating. A little scary. And ultimately exciting. I’ve really got to stop fucking around and get on with it. So, here’s the plan:

  1. Determine the areas of my life in which I desire improvement
  2. Set reasonable goals for each area.
  3. Research and implement methods in ways that feel the most sustainable for me
  4. Document and share the journey
  5. Turn “I’m going to,” into an action phrase instead of an empty promise

Focus, focus, focus. 

So, what are we going to focus on in our little journey here? Listening back to those first few episodes and thinking of things I continue to say “I’m going to…” but never actually do I found the following themes. Creating a more comfortable, organized, and clean home. Losing weight, quitting bad habits, and getting back to a body I feel good moving in. Cultivating a life with loving and supportive relationships both with family and friends. These are our three pillars of focus: Home. Health. Heart. 

Get it, girl.

Each week I’ll be focusing on one micro goal in at least one area and document my progress. I’d love to tell you I have a plan all sorted out on what this looks like but since I’m no longer in the business of lying to myself, I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t have a perfect plan. And honestly? I don’t think I need one. As my husband would say in response, anytime a person questions how he’s going to do something, the answer is: “Gumption and know-how.” I’ve got the gumption, and we’re on to the know-how. 

But like, HOW? 

I recently listened to the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear and I loved the resources he offered as companions to his process. I’ve also watched, listened to, or read about a million hours of self-improvement content over the past few years. Here’s what I know. I need habits, accountability, and rewards. The rest we’re probably going to be making up as we go. What fun!   

I’m ready for my close up

It’s time to record, I’ve nearly finished writing this first post and it will be time to put that content out for all the world to see. I don’t know where this is going yet but I know that if I get better as a result, then I win. If someone reading or listening to this is helped by it then we all win and that would just make me one very very happy girl.

I’m going to…

Ok. ok. ok. that’s it. Here we go, we’re going to list out the first 3 empty promises **nervous cough** I mean commitments to change.

HOME

  I’m going to follow the 5×5 cleaning method every day.

HEALTH

I’m going to do 10 minutes of yoga/stretching every morning.

HEART

I’m going to reach out to family and friends every day just to tell them I love them. 

That’s it for now! Join the journey and subscribe to the newsletter so you’ll always be up to date and share the experience with me!

Until the next time, Love yourself and others always,

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